And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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