I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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