JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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