i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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