For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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