you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
