ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
