I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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