Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
