i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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