i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
