Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
