Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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