Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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