Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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