Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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