I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
