that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I want her autograph on my taint
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
