Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
