Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
