We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
