At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
