Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
