How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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