I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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