yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His nipple licking is glorious
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