if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
