Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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