I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
