Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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