When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
