I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
