WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
