dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
