I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
