Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
