I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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