My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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