He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
