Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
