o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
