chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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