his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
