I forgot how hot balto sounded
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
