The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
