i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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