He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
