I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
