if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
