can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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