I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
